Archive for Fun, Funnier & Funniest

At My Mercy!

 

This afternoon I was in the house working when I got a call from Gene on his cell phone. “I need you to come down here and set up our ladder. It fell.”

Gene and Tim were doing a “get ready for winter” project….. putting a roof over the creep feeder to give the calves some shelter and keep the area from getting so muddy.

Both men were up on the roof and the ladder slid away.  I could “smell” a story!!  I grabbed my camera and as I hopped on the golf cart to go the rescue, I was contemplating the smart remark I was going to make!!! I rather liked the idea that I had them at my mercy!!!

There is Gene perched on the corner of the structure. He reminded me of a cat in the tree trying to figure out how to come down!!! I pulled out my camera and snapped a picture. “I need a new dress and a new car,” I quipped!

I heard Gene say to Tim, “What did I tell you, we are going to be fodder material tonight.” Now what I would liked to have heard is the conversation they had before they called me. I guess they can be glad for cell phones or they might have missed supper and had to spend the night on the roof! I also bet there were some cute pictures I didn’t get of them peeking over the edge trying to figure their way out of their predicament.

I had to get one last parting shot (picture).

 

It was so fun to have them at my mercy!

Redneck Girl!

So. I sent Summer on a delivery to Chesterfield and she also needed to make some stops to pick up some supplies. She came back to the store carrying her tennis shoes and said, “People in Chesterfield must not know what boots are! They look at you like you are weird”.  It was rainy and I can understand the boots for where she was going on the delivery.  But…

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I said, “You didn’t go into Lowes and Sams looking like that???!!!”

I am sure you can guess her answer…. “Of course!”

I started laughing. The redneck girl went to town to buy, of all things, a chandelier for one of our customers in Bermuda.

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Looking like this!

Maybe sometimes it is just better not to know!!!

Like they say, “You can take the girl out of the country, but you can’t take the country out of the girl”.

 

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie

I have always loved this song-just ask my family!  The beat is so catching and the lyrics crack me up. I could just imagine being that girl!

Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

(click on the song title to hear the song)

It was written by Paul Vance and Lee Pockriss and first released in June 1960 by Brian Hyland with orchestra conducted by John Dixon.

She was afraid to come out of the locker
she was as nervous as she could be
she was afraid to come out of the locker
she was afraid that somebody would see

Two three four
tell the people what she wore

It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
that she wore for the first time today
an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
so in the locker she wanted to stay

Two three four
stick around we’ll tell you more

She was afraid to come out in the open
so a blanket around her she wore
she was afraid to come out in the open
and so she sat bundled up on the shore

Two three four
tell the people what she wore

It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
that she wore for the first time today
an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
so in the blanket she wanted to stay

Two three four
stick around we”l tell you more

Now shes afraid to come out of the water
and I wonder what she’s gonna do
now she’s afraid to come out of the water
and the poor little girls turning blue

Two three four
tell the people what she wore

It was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
that she wore for the first time today
an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini
so in the water she wanted to stay

From the locker to the blanket
from the blanket to the shore
from the shore to the water
yes there isn’t any more.

I was reminded of this song in a weird sort of way today.   I decided to go take a swim in my son’s swimming pool. They put in an above ground pool this spring and I have been invited to go dip but just hadn’t done so.  Independence Day-our store is closed and I have a day for me and whatever I want to do–let’s go for that coveted swim!

Now, I have not had my swimming suit on for about 10 years. I dug it out of it’s hiding place and proceeded to put it on.  Oops! Something has happened to the suit!  It used to fit and suddenly it felt itsy bitsy teenie weenie.  Thank goodness I have a “modest” one-piece swimsuit but it seemingly has shrunk.  Suddenly this song from the antique files in my brain sprung to my mind.   Here I was struggling to put on 2-size too small suit and singing…it was an itsy bitsy teenie weenie…..  I stuffed, pulled, huffed, puffed, jumped, and lifted and I made it.  Then I was almost afraid to go out of the bedroom!  The coverup was too small so I wrapped a towel around me. I got to their house and there was a note on the door “napping”. Thank goodness no one could see!!! I paddled and floated around for about half an hour and then made a dash back home.

And no, there are none and will be NO pictures.  So, now I have this crazy little song playing over and over in my brain… it was an Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini that she wore for the first time today.   An Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini  so in the locker she wanted to stay!  Two, three, four..stick around we’ll tell you more….

******

A few days later…. at a family get together I was given a gift from my sister-in-law.

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In it was…… a size 3X thrift store bikini.

 

Thanks Marj for the great laugh and gag gift!

Only A Farm Wife

I woke up this morning so mad at my husband.  I dreamed he had decided to feed the cows on my glassed-in front porch.  He brought in feed boxes full of feed and I had six or eight of the cows crowded on the porch contentedly eating.  One of them had pushed open the front door and was in my bedroom!!!  If you know anything about cows you know that as food enters one end it is also exiting “stuff” out the other!  I was crying and trying to holler for him and he just ignored me. Then I awoke. With that dream I should be mad at him all day.  I do believe it is a dream only a farm wife could have as no city girl could come up with that one!

Middle of the Night Shenanigans

Last night I got up in the middle of the night  and in the process of getting back in bed I did an acrobatic stunt that would rival a spot in the circus!

I am not sure what happened but as I was getting  back in bed- in the dark, I slipped and fell. Me and the lamp on the night stand crashed to the floor.  It startled Gene awake and leaning over my side of the bed he says, “What are you doing?”  I responded, “Just letting you know I am coming  back to bed!”   (I’m not sure where that clever line came from except he likes to accuse me of being noisy when I am up and roaming around!)  We burst into gales of laughter and before I could move, a  leg cramp grabbed the calf of my leg. Gene leaped out of bed and as he did, he slipped and fell. So there we are, me on the floor on my side, sitting on my bum, legs stretched straight out, trying to rub the “charlie horse” away, and Gene on his knees on the floor on his side of the bed. We laughed our fool heads off!

Of course Gene seized the moment to blame it on the sheets!  Several months ago I bought new sheets for the bed.  I always wanted satin sheets and I love them.  They are slick, smooth, cool and just plain luxurious! But they do have a downside.  Because they are so slick, it can be hard to stay in bed!  Sometimes it feels like you are just going to slide out! I told Gene they make me feel like a queen but he says it doesn’t make him feel like a king!

I have no idea what cause my acrobatic feat but it sure made us wide awake at 1:30 a.m.  And this morning…. we are still looking at each other and laughing about the ordeal! Proverbs 17:22 “A cheerful heart is good medicine…”  I guess I have a good dose of medicine for the day!

“UP”

“Up”-this two-letter word has more meanings than any other two-letter work. It is an adverb, prep, adj, noun and verb.

It is easy to understand up, meaning toward the sky or at the top of the list, but when we awaken in the morning, why do we wake up?

At a meeting, why does a topic come up? Why do we speak up, and why are the officers up for election and why is it up to the secretary to write up a report? We call up our friends, brighten up a room, and polish up the silver. Warm up the leftovers and clean up the kitchen. We lock up the house and fix up the old car.

At other times this little word has real special meaning. People stir up trouble, line up for tickets, work up an appetite and think up excuses.

We are told to stand up, speak up, look up and shut up.

To be dressed is one thing but to be dressed up is special.

And this up is confusing: A drain must be opened up because it is stopped up.

We open up a store in the morning but we close it up at night. We seem to be pretty mixed up about up!

To be knowledgeable about the proper uses of up, look up the word up in the dictionary. In a desksized dictionary, it takes up almost ¼ of the page and can add up to about thirty definitions.

If you are up to it, you might try building up a list of the many ways up is used. It will take up a lot of your time, but if you don’t give up, you may wind up with a hundred or more.

When it threatens to rain, we say it is clouding up. When the sun come out we say it is clearing up. When it rains, it soaks up the earth. When it does not rain for awhile, things dry up. One could go on and on, but I’ll wrap up, for now…my time is up!

Oh…one more thing: What is the first thing you do in the morning and the last thing you do at night?
U
P!
Did that crack you up?

Note: This is not original with me and I do not remember where I found it. If someone knows who wrote it let me know, I would be happy to give them credit for this clever piece.

Left Behind

This is the true tale of two women; Marj, my sister-in-law,  and her friend Debbie. Sorry Marj, but it is too good of a story not to share, especially for those who know these women.

Recently at their church they studied the book “Radical” by David Platt. At the end of the study they were challenged to do something out of their “comfort zone.”  Marj, Debbie, their husbands, and several others from their church decided to go to Costa Rica on a service project.

They flew on a small prop plane from Pensacola to Miami.  Marj is not a seasoned flier and told Rich, “Do not lose me at the airport.”  They had a tight flight  schedule so while the men were waiting to retrieve the luggage from the bottom of the plane Marj and Debbie made a quick run to the “little girls room”. Mission accomplished they went to meet the men at the terminal gate as agreed.

The men were not there so they sat down at gate D5 and waited. Still no men.  Finally their cell phone rang, “Where are you?  They are calling for you over the intercom and it is the last boarding call.”  Oh, no! The correct gate was E5.

Immediately Marj and Debbie took off in a mad dash through the terminal (D5 was all the way at the end of the concourse), down the escalator, onto the tram,  up the escalator and down through the terminal.  But Marj had one problem.  Because the men were trying to collect and gather all the luggage, she took Rich’s  backpack filled with books with her.  She discovered it is very difficult to run with a heavy backpack of books on your back.  Debbie took her turn and huffing and puffing they got to gate E5 just in time to wave goodbye to the plane backing away from the gate with their men on board.

Now from the men’s end of the drama…  They did not want to get on the plane without their wives so the airline personal let them stay off as long as possible but finally they told them they would have to board or they would sell their seats. Knowing the women were almost there they boarded but then the airline  sold the women’s seats and the doors closed. The men were stuck with “strangers” in their wives seats.

Marj said she would have been frantic if  Debbie hadn’t been with her. The airline booked them on the next flight out to San Jose.  It wasn’t long until another member of their group showed up. He was flying in from Delaware and got detained in Baltimore. So now they were a group of three.

When they got to San Jose the men checked in with the airline and learned that their wives were only 1-1/2 hours behind.  The women were relieved to find them  waiting for them and some of their luggage that had not yet arrived.

Marj said the whole trip accomplished it’s intended purpose well.  Not only did it start out of her comfort zone, she had to paint and varnish the whole time they were there which was something she was not fond of or had done much of.  And it was also hot, very hot with no air-conditioning, and most of the time they were drenched with sweat and stinky!

The two days before they came home they did some sightseeing and one of the things they were scheduled to do was a zip line over the rain forest.  She was not thrilled about this prospect but was assured another option was a gondola. When the bus was almost to the zip-line the driver asked who was doing the gondola.  Marj was the only one who raised her hand. She was not leaving the group all by herself  so she was stuck-zipping at neck-break speed down the mountain high above the trees.  She said she never saw the view the others talked about-you can’t when your eyes are closed!

Absolutely Ridiculous

The mutterings started in the bathroom before progressing to the kitchen…I can’t believe this, how are you suppose to open this, are you sure you got the right one….??? Then I heard my gadget drawer open and the rattling of stuff as he looked for the right tool. After I heard, “this is absolutely ridiculous” I decided that maybe it was time for me to investigate as to what was going on in my kitchen. There he was with my 8″ long, 2″ wide chopping knife trying to open a package of razor blades!!!  A quick assesment of the situation looked totally dangerous but I knew it probably would not be a good idea to express that warning so I reminded him to be careful and retreated to another room. (I considered going back and taking a picture but he wasn’t properly attired as he was trying to shave after taking a shower).

This evening (we were gone all day) I went to the kitchen to fix sandwiches and I kept finding bits of hard broken plastic on the counter and even stepped on a peice on the floor with my bare feet.  I could not figure out what it was. I asked Gene, “what did you break in the kitchen”?  He didn’t break anything-it was the packaging on the razor blades!  Not only are the packages child- proof, they are almost man-proof. He’s right, absolutely ridiculous!  Maybe they need to start including a tool and an instruction sheet with each package. But then, what self-respecting man would read the instructions?  At least it would give us gals the satisfaction of saying, “did you read the instructions”?

All for Naught

All for naught…. Gene said this morning he was so tired. I said, “well you worked all night!” I awoke this morning so irritated at him. In my dream he had completely redone the living room while I was gone-even changed the pictures on the wall and I did NOT like what he had done!!!  He had gotten a huge lazy boy chair that dwarfed the living room and a new piano. The furniture was placed so that it was a maze to walk through the room. I told him he was not to mess with my turf and was worrying how I was going to undo what he had done. Then I awoke and I was mad for nothing!

January 26, 2012

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